Staying in Love Through Infertility: 10 Ways to Put Your Relationship First

Infertility isn’t just tough on you individually—it can really test your relationship as well. Between the stress, the appointments, and the emotional rollercoaster, it’s easy for you and your partner to feel disconnected. You’re in this together, but first you have to stay together. Staying connected doesn’t just happen by accident, though. It takes effort, patience, and sometimes just a bit of creativity.

Here are 10 ways you can keep your relationship front and centre while navigating the ups and downs of infertility.

1. Keep Talking

Good communication is the foundation of any solid relationship, and it’s even more important when you’re going through something as big as infertility. Be honest about how you’re feeling—whether it’s frustration, fear, or hope. And don’t just talk—listen too. Make time to really hear each other out without jumping in to fix things or judge. Sometimes, just knowing you’re on the same page can make all the difference.

2. Be Each Other’s Teammate

Infertility can feel like a battle, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling like you’re fighting it alone. But you’re a team. Support each other by going to appointments together, sharing your thoughts on treatment options, and just being there for the hard days. It’s about showing up for each other, even when it’s tough.

3. Make Time for Fun

When every conversation seems to revolve around appointments and outcomes, it’s easy to forget the reason you’re in this together in the first place—you actually like each other. Schedule time for date nights, even if it’s just pizza and a film at home. Do something that makes you laugh or reminds you why you’re such a good fit. It doesn’t have to be fancy—it just has to be the two of you.

4. Get a Third Perspective

Sometimes, you just need a bit of outside help. We used other couples going through the same thing as each others therapists, but you could also look into a couple therapist who has some understanding of infertility. A third party you trust can help you navigate the trickier conversations and give you tools to handle the emotional toll. It’s not about “fixing” anything—it’s about making sure you’re both on the same page and feeling supported.

5. Look After Yourselves Together

Infertility can take a toll physically and emotionally, so self-care is a must. Do it together. Whether it’s a walk in the park, cooking a meal from scratch, or even trying something new like yoga, looking after yourselves as a team can help you feel stronger and more connected.

6. Don’t Let Intimacy Disappear

Let’s face it, infertility ain't sexy - in fact, it can put a real strain on your sex life. The pressure can make it all feel a bit clinical at times, but intimacy is about more than just sex. It’s about staying close. Hold hands, give each other a hug, or spend some time just being affectionate without any expectations. Intimacy is the glue that keeps you connected, so don’t let it slide.

7. Celebrate the Small Wins

Sometimes it’s easy to feel like you’re just waiting for the next big thing, but don’t let the little moments pass you by. Finished a cycle of treatment? Survived a particularly tough week? Those are worth celebrating. Take the time to acknowledge the effort you’re both putting in and give yourselves credit for getting through it together.

8. Accept That It’s OK to Not Be OK

This journey isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being real. Some days will be harder than others, and that’s OK. The important thing is to keep showing up for each other. Be patient with yourselves and each other, and don’t expect to have all the answers.

9. Find Your Support Network

You don’t have to go through this alone, and neither does your partner. Whether it’s friends, family, or an online community, finding people who “get it” can make a massive difference. Having someone outside your relationship to vent to or lean on can take the pressure off both of you.

10. Keep Your Eyes on What Matters

At the end of the day, remember why you’re doing this—you’re building a life together. Infertility might be a part of your story, but it’s not the whole story. Focus on what makes your relationship strong and keep reminding each other that you’re in it for the long haul.

Staying in love through infertility isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. By keeping communication open, making time for each other, and leaning into your partnership, you can come out of this even stronger. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being there for each other, one step at a time.